March 23, 2010

Hello everyone! It’s been a couple of weeks since I have written and for good reason. First, I was in a car accident. I did not get hurt and my kids were not with me, but my car was in bad shape and it shook me up. It was scary and I was worried about the air bag going off and me being pregnant. Luckily it all worked out ok. Now it is mostly a big inconvenience as I work with body shops and insurance agents, etc. Then, a few days later I ended up in the hospital because I could not stop vomiting and became dehydrated. Luckily I was able to get some medication and fluids and recovered fairly quickly. Needless to say, it was not a good week for me. I have been pretty busy ever since and have not had much of a chance to write. A few of you have mentioned to me that you miss reading my blog and I just want to say thank you – it means a lot!


I have really struggled with what to write because I had felt before the accident and the hospital that I was doing really well in the positive arena. I felt I was making some breakthroughs and getting somewhere and then it seemed like everything started falling apart and things were not positive. They sucked! I didn’t feel like reading anything about being positive or saying affirmations or anything that I had previously been doing. I still haven’t done much reading. There are some other things going on in my life that have been somewhat negative and it’s hard to really get in touch with the positive when things are not going your way.

This is not to say that I am suddenly turning into a negative person or I don’t believe in being positive. I am actually feeling pretty good now and I think there is a reason for it. While it is good that I do a lot of reading, I sometimes think that reading too much self-help/improvement material can be a bit debilitating. How? Well, I think that I was spending too much time focusing on what I should be doing to be a good parent and the best way to think about my eating and how to be a better friend, etc. What I “should” be doing started to overwhelm me and I was starting to second guess myself or berate myself for not doing something. Essentially I stopped listening to my own instincts. For example, I have read a million articles and watched several shows on parenting and I was constantly trying to improve in that area. Then my son would really push my buttons and I would get mad, yell and put him in his room. Then I would sit around and feel really bad for treating him that way and not following one of the many suggestions from the articles that I have read. But you know, sometimes, you just have to get mad and react like a human being. I’m not talking about beating your child or constantly yelling, but the reality is that sometimes parents get mad and sometimes kids are annoying you and it’s ok to react.

I’m not saying that I will no longer read things or take suggestions or learn from others. I just think that I need to find a better balance between that and my own natural instincts and abilities. I think they are stronger and better than I have given myself credit for.

Today is exactly 6 months from when I started this project. I am proud of myself for actually spending the last 6 months writing. I think I have learned a lot. However, I also think that I may have been going about this in the wrong way and need to dig a little deeper. It feels like I have been trying to be positive and looking for the positive but it’s not really sinking in yet. I am not giving up though. I just think I need to look for ways to roll with life’s punches and find a genuine sense of peace and happiness. That is really my goal in all this – to be content and happy with myself and my life.