Raising kids is undoubtedly the hardest job I have ever had. While it is certainly fun and they are adorable, there is a lot of screaming, fighting, exhaustion and headache that comes with the territory. But I ultimately find it rewarding, otherwise baby number three would not be on the way. But, I have to admit that in the last year or so I have found the parenting job exhausting. I have found myself longing for every moment that I can have a break, watching the clock hoping naps or bedtime will arrive soon, and feeling a bit sorry for myself when the days are long or my husband has to work late.
Last week I went on my annual ski trip with my mom and sister and had four days of no kids. Being pregnant I didn’t ski, so I had a lot of time on my hands to relax and think. When I first arrived I was thinking about how quickly the time was going to pass and then I would be back to my “job” of taking care of the kids. I had just arrived and I was already worried about returning. Then I started to feel guilty. I love my kids more than anything in the world, so why was I dreading my return. I decided to really examine this. The first thing I realized was that it wasn’t about the kids so much as the circumstances. Admittedly it’s harder right now being pregnant, I am more sensitive to noise, tired, and unable to do as much in a day as I used to. But in being completely honest I was having some of these feelings even before I got pregnant. The bottom line is that the job is hard, harder than I ever anticipated it would be, and the physical demands were getting to me. The second thing I realized is that I’m not enjoying my kids the way that I want to. I am constantly focused on paying the bills, cleaning the house, cooking food, and the countless other chores I do. I have forgotten, somewhere along the way, that the real reason I am staying home is to raise my children. The other chores are important, but are by no means my most important task. By focusing on everything else but the kids, I have taken the pleasure out of being with them because I feel like I can never get anything done with them around.
I admit all this because I had a revelation on my vacation. By looking into my feelings in a deep and honest way I was able to look at the answers with clarity and come up with some real solutions. When I returned to my kids I was thrilled to see them and we had the most fantastic day together. I was patient, kind and I spent quality time with them. This past week our community has endured one of the largest snow storms since the 1960s and I have been cooped up with the kids in the house (although they did get to go to preschool). I went into this week knowing it would be difficult and vowed to really focus on my kids, play games with them, and spend time with them. And it has been a really great week! Every morning I wake up and remind myself that I am a stay at home mom because I want to raise my kids. My first priority is them and everything else comes second. It’s amazing to me how this shift in perspective has altered their behavior and mine. I am really proud of myself for what a good mom I have been this week. And, because I have given them what they need, they have spent a great deal of time playing quietly and letting me get my work done or rest.
I have learned a tremendous amount about myself this week and I am thrilled that my children are reaping the benefits. While I was never a bad mother, and I have always loved my children, I was not living up to my potential, and now I am. Sometimes all we need is a little shift in our thought patterns to get us on the right track. I couldn’t feel better about being a mom!
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
January 19, 2010
Today my mom made the mistake of asking me if everything was ok. She could sense some not so great vibes and was checking on me. I have been feeling a bit down in the dumps, partly hormones, and partly because I’m unsure about any future career moves, things happening with my husband’s job, our housing, etc. But when she asked me today I unloaded and it wasn’t pretty. It was the complete opposite of positive thinking. Since she is my mom, she mostly listened, took it in stride and offered up a few pieces of advice. Thanks Mom! But as I got off the phone with her I realized how whiney and negative I sounded. I was actually embarrassed by how negative my voice was. While everyone is entitled to moments of despair and frustration, I am not doing myself any favors by looking at the world through such dark shades.
I had written a draft for this blog earlier this morning but hadn’t posted it yet because I wasn’t sure about it. After having the conversation with my mother, and running a few errands, I went back and read it and was grateful I had a bit of common sense in not posting it. While it was honest in regard to my feelings, it was incredibly heavy and negative and not how I really feel about my life. But it also contained some good points. Points worth of reflection.
One of the main reasons I am feeling down is that I have done little to nothing to propel myself forward with my writing career, even though I say that it is my goal and it’s important to me. In my first post I noticed that I was making excuses for myself and that I really am just still scared. Why is that? Why am I so plagued with fear in doing something I love to do? I have come to believe in writing this blog that I am a good writer and I think my esteem has gone up in that arena, but it doesn’t seem to be enough. Perhaps I still feel like others are better or that I might not succeed. But as I sit here doing nothing, I think that’s the biggest failure of all. And the only person I am really letting down is myself. I am not ok with this and I’m almost glad I wrote such a negative post because it made me realize that I am still settling for less than I am capable of. I must push myself forward despite any fears or misgivings I may have. I’m actually quite glad that I had a moment of despair because it shone a light on what I need to do.
I had written a draft for this blog earlier this morning but hadn’t posted it yet because I wasn’t sure about it. After having the conversation with my mother, and running a few errands, I went back and read it and was grateful I had a bit of common sense in not posting it. While it was honest in regard to my feelings, it was incredibly heavy and negative and not how I really feel about my life. But it also contained some good points. Points worth of reflection.
One of the main reasons I am feeling down is that I have done little to nothing to propel myself forward with my writing career, even though I say that it is my goal and it’s important to me. In my first post I noticed that I was making excuses for myself and that I really am just still scared. Why is that? Why am I so plagued with fear in doing something I love to do? I have come to believe in writing this blog that I am a good writer and I think my esteem has gone up in that arena, but it doesn’t seem to be enough. Perhaps I still feel like others are better or that I might not succeed. But as I sit here doing nothing, I think that’s the biggest failure of all. And the only person I am really letting down is myself. I am not ok with this and I’m almost glad I wrote such a negative post because it made me realize that I am still settling for less than I am capable of. I must push myself forward despite any fears or misgivings I may have. I’m actually quite glad that I had a moment of despair because it shone a light on what I need to do.
Monday, January 11, 2010
January 11, 2010
This past weekend was not a good one for me. Not because anything in particular happened, but because I was in a really, really crappy mood. I woke up this way Saturday morning, I’m sure a side effect of pregnancy, and it didn’t really dissipate until later Sunday afternoon. I was agitated with anything and everything, and my poor husband took the brunt of it. He irritated me the most, not because of his actions, but because he happened to be there. Since this is our third pregnancy, he is used to the mood swings and knows to stay out my way. Still, I felt bad for my less than desirable behavior.
Two things, in particular, bothered me about my mood this weekend (aside from the fact that I was not so nice to my family). The first thing is that in my head I was thinking all of these bad thoughts and the track kept playing over and over again. I was picking fights in my head, looking at things in the worst possible light, and allowing every thought to take over my body. After several months of working on a positive thinking blog, I should know better. I do know better. And yet, I still allowed myself to succumb to this. I could hear the thoughts and a couple of points throughout the day I would say, “You’ve got to stop thinking that way.” But I just didn’t have the energy, I guess, to fix that which I had complete power to fix. I have to admit that the hardest thing about changing your life for the positive is changing your thoughts. I have days where I do pretty well, but I still have so many negative thoughts running through my mind at times, and I don’t know how to acknowledge them and then move on. I am certainly trying to learn this, but it is not an easy thing. This weekend demonstrated to me how far I have to go in this department. But – I am always up for a challenge!
The second thing that really bothered me was not only how irritated I was with my husband, but what I was irritated with him about. My husband is a runner and a hiker, an overall amazing athlete, and he makes sure every week to get his running and/or hiking in. He needs it, not only for his physical health, but also for his mental health. I have noticed with my husband that when he is not working out he is grumpy and edgy and not himself. When he is physically active and taking care of himself he is happy and content. I have always encouraged his working out because I know how much he needs it. This weekend I found myself irritated with how good of shape he is in (also a side effect of pregnancy – I am turning into a big fat pregnant blob), and why he is able to so easily spend time taking care of himself. Today I had a realization – I encourage him to take care of himself, but I am not doing the same thing for me – exercise wise that is. I don’t take time to get the weekly exercise I need to get. I currently have two mornings a week and the weekends to do something physical for myself and I must stop making excuses. Pregnancy is no excuse for not being physically active. In fact, I find myself craving physical activity in the same way a pickle dipped in chocolate sounds good. So, I vow, to find an activity to do at least three times a week.
While my bad mood weekend was certainly inspired by pregnancy, my own actions inevitably made it worse. I have learned that I must try harder to change my thought patterns. I cannot let them take over me. I have also learned that physical activity is a must for me. My husband takes care of his body and he is then able to be a good dad and husband. I must do the same for myself, because not only does it benefit me, but everyone around me.
Affirmation: I lovingly take charge of my body now.
(Affirmation from "Meditations to Heal Your Life" by Louise L. Hay)
Two things, in particular, bothered me about my mood this weekend (aside from the fact that I was not so nice to my family). The first thing is that in my head I was thinking all of these bad thoughts and the track kept playing over and over again. I was picking fights in my head, looking at things in the worst possible light, and allowing every thought to take over my body. After several months of working on a positive thinking blog, I should know better. I do know better. And yet, I still allowed myself to succumb to this. I could hear the thoughts and a couple of points throughout the day I would say, “You’ve got to stop thinking that way.” But I just didn’t have the energy, I guess, to fix that which I had complete power to fix. I have to admit that the hardest thing about changing your life for the positive is changing your thoughts. I have days where I do pretty well, but I still have so many negative thoughts running through my mind at times, and I don’t know how to acknowledge them and then move on. I am certainly trying to learn this, but it is not an easy thing. This weekend demonstrated to me how far I have to go in this department. But – I am always up for a challenge!
The second thing that really bothered me was not only how irritated I was with my husband, but what I was irritated with him about. My husband is a runner and a hiker, an overall amazing athlete, and he makes sure every week to get his running and/or hiking in. He needs it, not only for his physical health, but also for his mental health. I have noticed with my husband that when he is not working out he is grumpy and edgy and not himself. When he is physically active and taking care of himself he is happy and content. I have always encouraged his working out because I know how much he needs it. This weekend I found myself irritated with how good of shape he is in (also a side effect of pregnancy – I am turning into a big fat pregnant blob), and why he is able to so easily spend time taking care of himself. Today I had a realization – I encourage him to take care of himself, but I am not doing the same thing for me – exercise wise that is. I don’t take time to get the weekly exercise I need to get. I currently have two mornings a week and the weekends to do something physical for myself and I must stop making excuses. Pregnancy is no excuse for not being physically active. In fact, I find myself craving physical activity in the same way a pickle dipped in chocolate sounds good. So, I vow, to find an activity to do at least three times a week.
While my bad mood weekend was certainly inspired by pregnancy, my own actions inevitably made it worse. I have learned that I must try harder to change my thought patterns. I cannot let them take over me. I have also learned that physical activity is a must for me. My husband takes care of his body and he is then able to be a good dad and husband. I must do the same for myself, because not only does it benefit me, but everyone around me.
Affirmation: I lovingly take charge of my body now.
(Affirmation from "Meditations to Heal Your Life" by Louise L. Hay)
Thursday, January 7, 2010
January 7, 2010
As this New Year jumps into full swing and I have six months to prepare for a new baby, I have given a lot of thought on how I want the year to go, and what some of my short and long term goals are. Sometimes I get a little overwhelmed by the many things I want to accomplish and how to get some of the things I need. Awhile back I had a conversation with a good friend about putting together a vision or dream board. Basically it is a piece of paper, any size, where you put pictures and phrases of things you want to accomplish or want to buy/have. For example, you might need a new car within the next 6 months, so you would put pictures on the board of cars you like, maybe a picture of your car with a sold sign on it, and maybe some words like “save” to inspire you to get the car you want within six months. You look at this picture every day, and the idea is that having something to put into your mind on a daily basis keeps you focused on what you want, and sends a vibe out into the world that you are ready for this particular thing. You can do this for things you want to purchase, careers you are interested in obtaining, paying off debt, building better relationships, etc. Whatever your heart desires you can put on your vision board.
After talking with my friend we were going to make these boards and never ended up doing it. We both have young kids, and the holidays came around, etc. Then just a couple of days ago I was reading my First magazine, 1/18/10 issue, and there was an article entitled “Make this the year you achieve your dreams!” The article has several steps on things you can do to make your dreams come true and one of those was making a “dream board.” I knew this was a sign that it was time for me to make mine. The article says when making a dream board you should “choose words and pictures that help you visualize yourself acting in your desired future.” The article gives an example of a woman whose life was going pretty crappy until she made her dream board, and while it took a little over a year, her life closely resembles that which she had put on her board. I am now truly inspired and today I am making my own vision board.
I like the idea of the vision board because I think it’s easy to want things but often hard to see ourselves making those things come true. And sometimes our thoughts can be very scattered, so having some clear cut goals and desires, surrounded by positive images and pictures, can be the very thing that pushes us forward. Some of the things I am going to put on my vision board include buying a bigger car for my growing family, traveling with my husband, finish our house remodeling and brightening our financial picture. What would you put on your vision board? I’m off to work on my dreams now – have a great day!
After talking with my friend we were going to make these boards and never ended up doing it. We both have young kids, and the holidays came around, etc. Then just a couple of days ago I was reading my First magazine, 1/18/10 issue, and there was an article entitled “Make this the year you achieve your dreams!” The article has several steps on things you can do to make your dreams come true and one of those was making a “dream board.” I knew this was a sign that it was time for me to make mine. The article says when making a dream board you should “choose words and pictures that help you visualize yourself acting in your desired future.” The article gives an example of a woman whose life was going pretty crappy until she made her dream board, and while it took a little over a year, her life closely resembles that which she had put on her board. I am now truly inspired and today I am making my own vision board.
I like the idea of the vision board because I think it’s easy to want things but often hard to see ourselves making those things come true. And sometimes our thoughts can be very scattered, so having some clear cut goals and desires, surrounded by positive images and pictures, can be the very thing that pushes us forward. Some of the things I am going to put on my vision board include buying a bigger car for my growing family, traveling with my husband, finish our house remodeling and brightening our financial picture. What would you put on your vision board? I’m off to work on my dreams now – have a great day!
Monday, January 4, 2010
January 4, 2010
Hello everyone! Happy New Year! I hope this year will be prosperous and your dreams will become a reality. That’s what we all want right? I think that’s why so many people make New Year’s resolutions. They want to improve their lives in some area and the start of the New Year seems like the perfect time. The gyms are packed, diet programs begin, and people quit smoking. The problem with resolutions is that they don’t seem to last very long. A few months in the gyms are not quite so busy, the cupcake stores have picked up business and people are left feeling pretty bad about not sticking with their resolutions. There are of course some people who do stick with their resolutions, but I don’t think it’s because they did it on New Years. I think they would be successful whenever they started, because the day they begin is not important. It’s the desire to change their habits.
Changing habits is incredibly difficult to do. I’ve often heard it said that it takes two weeks to change a habit. Perhaps for some people it does, but that has never been true for me. Plus I find it easier to focus on one day at a time when I am trying to change. It seems less daunting. I think the biggest thing one must do in order to change their lives is to change their thinking. Our thought patterns are what keep us stuck or propel us forward and we are bombarded with these thoughts every single day. For example, if you are trying to lose weight and go on a diet, you will be overwhelmed by how much you think about food and what you can eat and how many calories you have consumed. While your thoughts before the diet might have been along the lines of “I need to lose weight,” now you are consumed with thoughts on how to get through your day and what you can eat. I’ve never found this concept to work for me because I become obsessed with food, which is basically the exact opposite result of what I want to happen. It would be better to change your thought patterns by affirming to yourself, “I am a healthy eater,” or “I will lose weight by honoring my body.” You might have to tell yourself these affirmations over and over again, and you should do them every single day, but eventually they begin to work because you start to believe them. Once you believe what you think, results begin to appear. It is certainly not a quick fix, and our society is in love with the quick fix, but it is a long term fix.
When I was a little girl and I had undergone a bad day, my mom used to tell me that tomorrow was the first day of the rest of my life. Meaning that every day we wake up can be the first day we work on something new or change our lives. It doesn’t have to be New Years or the first day of a new month or a Monday. It can be any day in the year that we choose. Remember the importance lies in the actions we take in accomplishing our goals. Not in the day of the year we do so. Here’s to the first day of the rest of your life!
Changing habits is incredibly difficult to do. I’ve often heard it said that it takes two weeks to change a habit. Perhaps for some people it does, but that has never been true for me. Plus I find it easier to focus on one day at a time when I am trying to change. It seems less daunting. I think the biggest thing one must do in order to change their lives is to change their thinking. Our thought patterns are what keep us stuck or propel us forward and we are bombarded with these thoughts every single day. For example, if you are trying to lose weight and go on a diet, you will be overwhelmed by how much you think about food and what you can eat and how many calories you have consumed. While your thoughts before the diet might have been along the lines of “I need to lose weight,” now you are consumed with thoughts on how to get through your day and what you can eat. I’ve never found this concept to work for me because I become obsessed with food, which is basically the exact opposite result of what I want to happen. It would be better to change your thought patterns by affirming to yourself, “I am a healthy eater,” or “I will lose weight by honoring my body.” You might have to tell yourself these affirmations over and over again, and you should do them every single day, but eventually they begin to work because you start to believe them. Once you believe what you think, results begin to appear. It is certainly not a quick fix, and our society is in love with the quick fix, but it is a long term fix.
When I was a little girl and I had undergone a bad day, my mom used to tell me that tomorrow was the first day of the rest of my life. Meaning that every day we wake up can be the first day we work on something new or change our lives. It doesn’t have to be New Years or the first day of a new month or a Monday. It can be any day in the year that we choose. Remember the importance lies in the actions we take in accomplishing our goals. Not in the day of the year we do so. Here’s to the first day of the rest of your life!
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