January 11, 2010

This past weekend was not a good one for me. Not because anything in particular happened, but because I was in a really, really crappy mood. I woke up this way Saturday morning, I’m sure a side effect of pregnancy, and it didn’t really dissipate until later Sunday afternoon. I was agitated with anything and everything, and my poor husband took the brunt of it. He irritated me the most, not because of his actions, but because he happened to be there. Since this is our third pregnancy, he is used to the mood swings and knows to stay out my way. Still, I felt bad for my less than desirable behavior.


Two things, in particular, bothered me about my mood this weekend (aside from the fact that I was not so nice to my family). The first thing is that in my head I was thinking all of these bad thoughts and the track kept playing over and over again. I was picking fights in my head, looking at things in the worst possible light, and allowing every thought to take over my body. After several months of working on a positive thinking blog, I should know better. I do know better. And yet, I still allowed myself to succumb to this. I could hear the thoughts and a couple of points throughout the day I would say, “You’ve got to stop thinking that way.” But I just didn’t have the energy, I guess, to fix that which I had complete power to fix. I have to admit that the hardest thing about changing your life for the positive is changing your thoughts. I have days where I do pretty well, but I still have so many negative thoughts running through my mind at times, and I don’t know how to acknowledge them and then move on. I am certainly trying to learn this, but it is not an easy thing. This weekend demonstrated to me how far I have to go in this department. But – I am always up for a challenge!

The second thing that really bothered me was not only how irritated I was with my husband, but what I was irritated with him about. My husband is a runner and a hiker, an overall amazing athlete, and he makes sure every week to get his running and/or hiking in. He needs it, not only for his physical health, but also for his mental health. I have noticed with my husband that when he is not working out he is grumpy and edgy and not himself. When he is physically active and taking care of himself he is happy and content. I have always encouraged his working out because I know how much he needs it. This weekend I found myself irritated with how good of shape he is in (also a side effect of pregnancy – I am turning into a big fat pregnant blob), and why he is able to so easily spend time taking care of himself. Today I had a realization – I encourage him to take care of himself, but I am not doing the same thing for me – exercise wise that is. I don’t take time to get the weekly exercise I need to get. I currently have two mornings a week and the weekends to do something physical for myself and I must stop making excuses. Pregnancy is no excuse for not being physically active. In fact, I find myself craving physical activity in the same way a pickle dipped in chocolate sounds good. So, I vow, to find an activity to do at least three times a week.

While my bad mood weekend was certainly inspired by pregnancy, my own actions inevitably made it worse. I have learned that I must try harder to change my thought patterns. I cannot let them take over me. I have also learned that physical activity is a must for me. My husband takes care of his body and he is then able to be a good dad and husband. I must do the same for myself, because not only does it benefit me, but everyone around me.

Affirmation: I lovingly take charge of my body now.
(Affirmation from "Meditations to Heal Your Life" by Louise L. Hay)