January 28, 2010

Raising kids is undoubtedly the hardest job I have ever had. While it is certainly fun and they are adorable, there is a lot of screaming, fighting, exhaustion and headache that comes with the territory. But I ultimately find it rewarding, otherwise baby number three would not be on the way. But, I have to admit that in the last year or so I have found the parenting job exhausting. I have found myself longing for every moment that I can have a break, watching the clock hoping naps or bedtime will arrive soon, and feeling a bit sorry for myself when the days are long or my husband has to work late.


Last week I went on my annual ski trip with my mom and sister and had four days of no kids. Being pregnant I didn’t ski, so I had a lot of time on my hands to relax and think. When I first arrived I was thinking about how quickly the time was going to pass and then I would be back to my “job” of taking care of the kids. I had just arrived and I was already worried about returning. Then I started to feel guilty. I love my kids more than anything in the world, so why was I dreading my return. I decided to really examine this. The first thing I realized was that it wasn’t about the kids so much as the circumstances. Admittedly it’s harder right now being pregnant, I am more sensitive to noise, tired, and unable to do as much in a day as I used to. But in being completely honest I was having some of these feelings even before I got pregnant. The bottom line is that the job is hard, harder than I ever anticipated it would be, and the physical demands were getting to me. The second thing I realized is that I’m not enjoying my kids the way that I want to. I am constantly focused on paying the bills, cleaning the house, cooking food, and the countless other chores I do. I have forgotten, somewhere along the way, that the real reason I am staying home is to raise my children. The other chores are important, but are by no means my most important task. By focusing on everything else but the kids, I have taken the pleasure out of being with them because I feel like I can never get anything done with them around.

I admit all this because I had a revelation on my vacation. By looking into my feelings in a deep and honest way I was able to look at the answers with clarity and come up with some real solutions. When I returned to my kids I was thrilled to see them and we had the most fantastic day together. I was patient, kind and I spent quality time with them. This past week our community has endured one of the largest snow storms since the 1960s and I have been cooped up with the kids in the house (although they did get to go to preschool). I went into this week knowing it would be difficult and vowed to really focus on my kids, play games with them, and spend time with them. And it has been a really great week! Every morning I wake up and remind myself that I am a stay at home mom because I want to raise my kids. My first priority is them and everything else comes second. It’s amazing to me how this shift in perspective has altered their behavior and mine. I am really proud of myself for what a good mom I have been this week. And, because I have given them what they need, they have spent a great deal of time playing quietly and letting me get my work done or rest.

I have learned a tremendous amount about myself this week and I am thrilled that my children are reaping the benefits. While I was never a bad mother, and I have always loved my children, I was not living up to my potential, and now I am. Sometimes all we need is a little shift in our thought patterns to get us on the right track. I couldn’t feel better about being a mom!