December 16, 2009

Today I would like to announce some news – I am pregnant with my third child and due in July of 2010! I am about 9 weeks at this point and I was able to see the baby about a week ago – the little heartbeat fluttering rapidly. I hesitated whether to post my news on the blog now or until I passed the three month mark, but have decided to do it now because I want to share my journey with my readers no matter what path I may go down. Don’t worry – I won’t be logging every detail of my pregnancy, only things that are relative to testing the power of positive thinking.


I would, however, like to share a little more information about how this pregnancy came to be. As you all know I have two children and this will be my third (and last). I have struggled for a very long time in deciding whether or not to have a third child. I came from a family with two girls and always wanted a little larger family. Three seemed like the perfect number. But I worried about taking care of three small children, being able to afford them, etc. At one point this past year I was even trying to let the notion of having three children go, but it just kept coming back to me. After my son was born I knew that someone else was missing in our family. I knew we would have more children. After my daughter was born I still couldn’t shake the feeling that our family was not complete and someone was missing. Even as I tried to tell myself in a rational, logical way that we were fine with two kids, my heart just was not listening. When I went to see the ultrasound last week and saw my baby I had a profound sense of peace and I just looked at this baby and thought – I always knew you would come. Even though I am at the beginning of my pregnancy, I feel peaceful about our new addition and excited to welcome him/her into the world. I know that our family will be complete after this. My heart no longer aches for more.

I share this story because I think that sometimes we have such strong feelings in our lives, and perhaps that voice we hear is a higher power trying to guide us in the right direction. I don’t want these feelings to be confused with simple wants or temporary ideas that run through our heads. I have felt like someone was missing for a long time and I could never shake the feeling. I could not ignore it and I could not rationalize it away. Once I accepted my feelings and my path I actually began to feel free and peace settled within me. I think it’s important to listen to our hearts sometimes, especially when they tell us the same thing over and over again, and I am so grateful and happy to be adding to my beautiful family.

This entire experience has made me think more about spirituality. I have struggled with the concept of religion for a long time. I don’t want to offend anyone who is religious, it’s just for me personally I don’t understand how we have so many different religions and all of them claim to be the right way to go, and yet, in my mind, many of them seem so judgmental. I do, however, strongly believe in a higher power and pray on a regular basis. I feel a strong connection to something larger than myself. Sometimes I feel the pressure to define this connection, but I’m learning there is no need for it. My experience in the decision to have a third baby was not something I could explain to others. It was simply a powerful feeling I could not shake and I felt like I was being guided by something stronger than myself. I am feeling the need to be even more connected to my spiritual side. I think that something is missing from our lives when we don’t have any sense of peace or order in the world. The world is a confusing place and things often happen which we don’t understand. That is why I think every person should find some way to connect with a larger power or find a way to quiet their thoughts. Many people meditate, others pray, but whatever you do it must feel authentic to you. In order to live a life which is peaceful and positive, we must find a way to quiet our minds and listen to the very deepest part of our hearts that our guiding us. No matter how hard my new adventure will be, I know it is exactly where I am supposed to be and I will forever be happy that I listened to my heart. What is your heart telling you?