November 30, 2009

Affirmation: I trust myself


Hello everyone! I hope you had a nice Thanksgiving holiday. I was blessed to spend time with my family and also to celebrate my daughter’s second birthday. My husband was off for most of the week and we got to spend a lot of time together. It’s been such a relaxing few days and I am grateful.

Now it’s back to work for me. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about my future the last few days. I tend to reflect when I have some down time. I noticed when I was doing this my insecurities and fears about the future would creep in a little too often. It’s always the…What if this doesn’t happen? Or…What if I can’t do that? Or…What if something becomes out of my control? I’ve always been a bit of a worry wart. I think I inherited it…my mom is a worrier, her dad was a worrier. So, I can’t really help the genetic ability to worry like nobody’s business. If you ever need someone to worry for you, just give me a call! In all seriousness, the worrying is not good for me. Once you start down that path your mind can take you to deep, dark places. For example, my husband and I have been together for 15 years (married for 12), but when we first started dating I was so in love with him that I was worried that he would leave me, or find someone better, or things wouldn’t work out. I was very young at the time, but my worries would sometimes keep me up at night. At that time I didn’t trust our love or the process of building our lives together. I was insecure. Now, 15 years later, and two beautiful children, I am still just as much in love with him, if not more, but I never worry that things won’t work out. They already have! Every day I get to spend with him and we get to raise our children together is a bonus. Yes, I hope to grow old together, but I don’t worry that it won’t happen. I just know it will. I trust him, I trust myself, and I trust what we have built together.

I would love to have this same confidence in other areas of my life. But I often find myself not trusting. Louise L. Hay often says that we must “trust the process of life.” What does she mean exactly? Well, I think she means we must understand that the ups and downs and highs and lows are all essential to building our lives. We can’t just sail through the good and never experience the bad. The bad often teaches us more than the good anyway, and often times guides us in amazing directions we never would have otherwise thought of. When I quit my job over four years ago to be a stay home mom I was thrilled at first. Then I started doubting my decision. Did I make a good career move? Can I really handle the hard work of a stay home mom? To be honest, I struggled with this decision for quite some time. I never regretted the moments with my child, but I wondered if I was doing the right thing. I did not trust my new path. I would say in the last year I have made peace with my decision. I have fully adapted to my new life and am embarking on new and exciting adventures. Things I could never have done if I had stayed working. Plus, and most importantly, I have had the privilege of watching my children grow and learn. I am incredibly grateful for the path I am on.

As you can see from my examples, it is not always easy to trust our lives and where we are headed. Insecurities and worries invade our heads from time to time (or more often for worry warts). Hay reminds us, “We trust that our next breath is there. Let’s begin to trust that other things will be there for us, also.” Ask yourself today – What can I have a little more faith in? Take some time to trust the process of life!